I should have told you how I feel
Too much time has passed, but it’s still real
Come back to me so that I can make it right
Come back to me so that I can hold you tight
I hid in the shadow
Till the time was right
You finally found me
and pulled me into your light
The sound of a guitar floats through the silent void and fills the darkness with its beautiful melody. A deep, sorrowful male voice fills the dark space, singing the somber lyrics to a song I’ve never heard before. His voice is enticing, seductive but mostly sad. I know that voice, the recognition ignites something deep inside of me. The sound of my heart thudding in my ears grows louder as the excitement takes over.
It’s in that moment I realize I can’t move. Panic and desperation immediately drown out the warm fuzzy feeling, grabbing hold of me, like thick, icy claws wrapped around my throat. Why can’t I move? Why is everything so dark? Where am I?
My body is numb and feels like it’s filled with lead. I feel as if I’m suffocating. Just when I think I’m about to run out of oxygen, a clicking and wheezing noise rises above the sounds of the guitar. My lungs slowly expand, almost to the point of pain, as precious oxygen is pumped into them. There’s a beeping sound coming from somewhere behind the dark curtain of nothing . The high pitch noise continues strong and steady.
The music suddenly stops and I hear a click. Why can’t I open my eyes? I plead with my body to move, but get nothing. The more I struggle, the higher my frustration level rises. There is nothing worse than feeling trapped or helpless and in this moment I feel both.
The panicked feeling from moments before quickly intensifies taking over ever one of my senses. My chest tightens in fear and anxiety. My heart rate speeds, and the shrill beeping sound is no longer steady. Its rapid ear piercing wail, sounds like the warnings of a bomb about to detonate. The combined emotions wash over me like a wave and I’m caught in its undertow, on the verge of drowning.
Counting backwards from ten, I attempt to calm down so I can try to get a handle on the situation.
What happened to me? Where am I? Who is that singing? What’s that damn beeping noise? Most importantly, why can’t I move? I try to open my eyes to see what’s going on around me, but my lids are heavy and aren’t responding to my command. Next I try to move my arm, then my legs and I’m sadly left with nothing. I want to cry, scream, throw a fit or punch something. I am so furious and frustrated.
Question after question assaults my mind. I try for several long minutes to come up with the answers, but all I’m left with are blanks. There’s something; some significant detail that I’m missing, or that is just out of my reach.
Whispering voices break through my silent meltdown and I jump forgetting that Skye was near me earlier. Or was that just in my head? I’m so mixed up right now, I don’t know what to do. “How has she been this morning?”
Oh, thank god! It’s Sara. I’ve never felt so relieved in my life. I try to call out her name but my voice only echoes in my mind.
“There’s no change.” Skye! He was really with me. Where is here? I’m so happy to have him near me but it hurts to hear his voice laced with so much sadness.
“I guess that’s a good thing, considering.” Skye says. Considering what? His voice doesn’t sound like it usually does. Instead of the smooth and sexy voice I’m fond of, it’s thick with melancholy and shaken with sadness.
“Has the doctor been in yet?” Sara asks. Doctor? What. The. Fuck. Happened? I growl in frustration.
“I don’t know. I just got here a few minutes ago. Someone should be in soon, though,” he responds.
The room goes silent, with the exception of the ever-present beeping noise that has finally slowed back down to a steady almost soothing rhythm. Soft, warm hands envelop my own. Sara steels herself with a deep breath, “Chloe, sweetie.” She tries to hide the sorrow in her voice, and she may very well be able to convince everyone else that she’s not upset, but I know her better than that. “You’ve got to wake up, sweetie. I miss you so much.” I can almost hear the sound of my heart shattering like glass. Sara is the strongest one of us, always the unwavering rock. If she’s upset, there’s usually a very good reason to be.
My arm is lifted and pressed against something warm and soft. Tiny, warm drops of what I assume are tears slide over the top of my hand. “I’m going to find a doctor or a nurse,” she says to Skye and the bed shifts. She’s gone.
No, Sara! Don’t leave me! Come back! My panicked cry is left unheard, never making it past my lips as I’d intended.
Not knowing what in the hell is going on and with Sara now gone, the crying begins again. Only no tears are shed and no one hears my whimpers. My body lies motionless, but on the inside I’m shaking violently. My internal self is in so much turmoil that I’m on the verge of another anxiety attack.
What am I going to do? God, help me please. I chant to myself. Sara’s soft palm is replaced by a strong, callused one and large, strong fingers lace with mine. I don’t need to see to know who those fingers belong to. Only Skye could cause the warmth that rushes through me with just a touch. No matter how innocent it is it still has the same effect on me.
A moan echoes inside my mind at the memory of what those skillful, loving fingers can do. The night he cornered me in Tom’s office and worked me over with his hands and warm talented mouth is definitely a moment I will never forget. While one palm envelops mine, another reaches up and strokes the side of my face. Soft, warm lips touch my temple, and that one tiny kiss turns my insides into a tizzy. A thousand little lightning bugs war with each other to take flight in my stomach.
His voice is near my ear and is barely above a whisper when he says, “Chloe, I know you can hear me. I feel it in my soul. I can only imagine how scared you are right now. Baby, I’m sorry. I should never have left you.” He takes a deep, shuddering breath and continues. “We’re all here for you. Tom, Sara, the band. Me. Hon, you gotta wake up. You’re strong and stubborn enough to make it through this, but you have to fight. Come back to me, Chloe.”
The entire time he is speaking in my ear my focus isn’t on his words but the warm breath that brushes against the skin on my ear. His lips touch my temple again. I desperately want to reach up, grab his face, and pull his lips to mine. I want to lose myself in him. I want to devour that clever mouth until we are both gasping for air and dizzy.
Skye has only been back in my life for a short time, but I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Since I walked into Tom’s office at BAR and saw him sitting in that chair, there’s been something pulling me to him. The pull is too strong to ignore, nor would I want to anymore even if that were an option. No man has ever effected me in such a manner and I know that no man ever will. No matter how hard I tried to deny my rapidly growing feelings for him, it’s no use. My heart won out over my head and will continue to do so where he is involved. It was a hard lesson to learn but I know this now.
The small amount of time we spent together before I landed in this darkness was amazing. Everything about us just feels right; like we belong to the other. My heart beats to the sound of his name. My soul craves his touch, his closeness and his love. I have no doubt in my mind that he is my soul mate.
Growing up every little girl dreams of finding “the one.” That one person that becomes one with you. The one you grow old with blissfully in love forever. The same one that is portrayed in fairy tales and happy romance novels and chick flicks. The only other person in the world that was meant to be yours. Living the life I have lived, I never believed I had some out there destined to bet my “One” but I know without a measure of doubt that I have found him.
There will be no more denying the passion I feel for this man. I physically ache to be with him, even now when I’m surrounded by the shadows. I want him to be a part of me always, and in every way imaginable. Skye and Skye alone is the reason my heart is no longer surrounded by ice or stone.
The moment my eyes laid on this dark-haired, green-eyed Adonis, I knew my life would never be the same. In less than twenty-four hours he somehow managed to shatter every single wall I placed around my heart.
Skye’s hand is still gently stroking my hair, completely oblivious to the life altering revelation I’m having. I’m exhausted and overwhelmed, mentally as well as physically. The soothing motion of his caresses have just about lulled me to sleep, but then he begins to whisper the lyrics to Michael Jackson’s I Just Can’t Stop Loving You.
The words are not accompanied by music, just the sweet lull of his voice. Every inch of me melts at the way he conveys the meaning of the song to me. He pours every ounce of love and adoration into his voice convincing me that he means every word.
I can feel sleep tugging at me as nears the end of the song and I fight it. I don’t want to be alone in the dark silence. I want to stay here with Skye and his beautiful voice, his loving touch and his words of encouragement. Its where I belong.
I fight against the heavy pull of slumber, I fight against the darkness and I will always fight against any and everything that tries to pull me away from the man I love.
However, once the beeping is gone and the numbness settles in, I know I have lost the fight, for now.